Rockstar Truths: Unfiltered with Tommy Vext

In this episode of Coffee & Cleavage, Lynnie and Claudia sit down with rock vocalist Tommy Vext for a raw and unfiltered conversation about fame, controversy, personal growth, and the realities of life in the spotlight.

Tommy opens up about his journey through the music industry, navigating public backlash, rebuilding after setbacks, and what it really takes to stay authentic when the world is watching. The conversation dives into everything from rockstar life and relationships to resilience, reinvention, and the lessons learned along the way.

Expect laughs, honest opinions, and a side of Tommy you may not have seen before.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Coffee and Cleavage. Welcome guys. I'm Lenny. And I'm Claudia. And today we have a oh yes, a little bit. She always gets to cheers me. Um today we have a special guest known for his powerful voice, unapologetic opinions, and a presence that you don't ignore when he walks into the room. The front former frontman of Bad Wolves, and he's built a career on discipline, conviction, and standing firm in who he is. Please welcome Tommy Vex.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Hello, Tommy. Hello, hola. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

It took a while. Anybody who lives in LA knows that Friday is a rough traffic day. Yeah. We all had a big making it out. Oh yeah. Thanks for having me. I'm excited. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Yeah, us too. We want to talk about you today.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Me? Yeah. This is my least favorite subject.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Well, we're normally yapping about ourselves. We need a little bit of a break. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Yeah. Okay. Do I get to ask questions? Sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Anything you want.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

All right.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

But but we do we do have to know what one very specific thing from the beginning, because obviously, if if you're a a Tommy Vex fan, you've been in the game for a very, very long time.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

That's a nice way of saying I'm old.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Right? We're we're we're uh we're distinguished. Distinguished, yes. Yes. Um since the early 2000s, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Yeah, well, I mean, I started uh so when I was a kid, I was I started my first band at 14. Wow. And uh I grew up in in Brooklyn in New York, and I was in the like New York harcore scene. And so we were too young to play any venue, so we got fake IDs, and then we did a couple, and then they wouldn't let us come back. And so we promised to sell tickets. So then the like, I mean, bro, I like I was a I was like, we're gonna make it no matter what. You know, we there was a couple times where we stole my guitar player's mom's credit card and ordered a school bus and paid for it, and then had all of our friends get on the school bus and go into Manhattan so we could play CBGBs. They tried to not let us in, but we had sold like 200 tickets and they're like, Well, you want the money or should we just go home? And so, uh, yeah, where there's a will, there's a way.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

How has music changed since then, in your eyes?

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Well, I think the internet has changed a lot of things, right? Like, I mean, I I was pre-Myspace. We used to go to shows. I was talking to my buddy uh Dale, who's uh a music video director and he's done films and stuff. He met me when I was 16 years old outside of Roseland Ballroom. I was handing out demo tapes. You know, that's how you used to meet people. And uh, you know, now with the internet, it's it's it's definitely made it so that it's more accessible for artists, especially independent artists, to reach their audience and build their audience directly. It there's still gatekeeping and it's a little bit more difficult over the last three or four years, but there was definitely a boom going on from around, you know, even when YouTube really hit its peak in 2010 to through you know, to like the the TikTok artists blowing up, you know, there's like two two different worlds. Totally. E even Bad Wolves, even though we were a bunch of veterans, all the all the guys in the band were it was a super group of dudes who were already in established bands, you know, zombie really took off because of YouTube. Right? I remember when we we released the video, and I think in the first weekend we had 10 million views. Wow and it was like infathomable how fast it was going. I think the video now is like 590 million.

SPEAKER_03 3:37

That's like crazy.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

And it's gone multi-platinum all over the planet, and you know, and then I you know, we donated, well, I don't I'm the only person that actually played on the record, but I donated pro the proceeds that I would have made to Dolores Arinan's children. That's amazing. Started a trust fund for them. So, you know, the the internet is a double-edged sword, right? It's like there's a uh it's a tool, right? It's like anything, like it's it could be used as a weapon to mess with people or make people upset, but it also is incredibly connective and yeah, uh helps spread art and music and information.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

So tell us how was uh how was your name come to light? How did Vex come to light? I read I think I read something about a Wu-Tang clan.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Yeah, I was I mean, I grew up in Brooklyn, so I grew up in the hip hop culture as well. And uh there's uh it's uh the mystery of chess boxing. It's a it's a Wu-Tang ramp. Okay, and uh what is it? It's a mad vex. That's what the project made me. The rebel to the grain ain't no way to barricade me. And so that's also in the Bible. So in the in the Bible, man vexes God, and then God sends the floods, and you know, the story of Noah's orc and everything. So it was like it means anger, but on a biblical level. And so the band I was in was looking for a name, and that's the name that I came up with. And then everyone in my neighborhood started there was so many Tommies, it was like Tommy the Bobber and Tommy Two Toms, you know, everybody had a weird name, so they just that you know, that's the name that landed on me.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

That's cool.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

That is super cool.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Yeah. Well, so you're born in Brooklyn. Um, how has that influenced you in music?

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Um, well, I beat up a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

So there's some anger there. No, it's not that.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

I just like I don't like bullies, and like I, you know, I'm uh I've been sober for 17 years, but but many years ago, like, you know, I was in a band of my heresy, and like uh, you know, the guy in the band was like 25 years older than me, and he was he always trying to boot up to me, and finally I just waxed him, you know, and it's it's a couple of things that like like that have happened. Like I had some, you know, I it's not like a good thing or a bad thing, you know, this is what would be considered like those behaviors would be considered toxic masculinity over the last couple years. I personally think like what toxic masculinity is, is like when you see videos of women getting attacked and men doing nothing, or when you see people making excuses for the shit that's going on in the Epstein files, like I think that there's too like I think there was this push. Um, and it and I think it was a mistake to classify men who are physically capable but have restraint as toxic, or men who have who won't bend their values as toxic. When the reality is it's like the people who molest children and rape women and hurt women and traffic people and lie to you know, lie for power, steal, sue people for no reason, you know, like that's toxic. Yeah, you know, and so you know, it's it was it's definitely a lot of the when I grew up, I grew up in a lot of violence and like it was gang culture and stuff. So you got you were raised as a young man that if you showed weakness, you would be victimized. So it made you tough. And then I moved from New York to LA, and it's almost the exact opposite. Where like in especially within the music industry, everything is sort of this like veneer of of um uh manipulation, financial abuse, like it's all these really um sneaky ways of stealing from artists and doing bad things. And obviously, like, you know, the the the music industry is rampant, you know, you see all the names coming out on the list, and the the Diddy story, and like, you know, all of a sudden Jay-Z's in trouble, and uh the list goes on and on of of all these crimes, um, you know, or Kelly, and uh, and to me, those people are toxic. Yeah, that's toxic masculinity.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Do you ever feel like you've ever regretted saying something publicly, or do you regret apologizing as much as you have?

SPEAKER_00 7:51

Uh do I, I mean, I really haven't apologized for anything I've said. You know, I've taken accountability for accountability, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Like I take a I I believe in, you know, part of recovery. I've been sober for 17 years, and part of the 12 steps is the ninth step, is like, you know, we make amends whenever possible, except to do so would injure them or others. And they're I'm a human, I'm not, I'm a flawed person, you know. Like I'm uh like all of us, the this sort of idea that anybody lives this perfect life that we nobody ever makes a mistake and nobody has something they're ashamed or embarrassed about, it's foolish, you know? And so like I don't have a problem. I think it's very healthy for people to say, look, I was there were things that I said that I was wrong or I misspoke, and I'm like, this is what I said, and this is what I meant, and it didn't come out the right way, and if it offended anybody, like, cool, you know, but I don't think apologizing for the way that I feel or who I am is something I'll never do. Yeah, I'm not gonna apologize for being myself, yeah, you know, and then I don't know when it like when it comes to things that I I mean I look back like when I look at cancel culture and what I experienced, I look back and I feel like as all these conspiracy theories are coming out true, the only thing that I misread was like, you know, I supported Trump in 2020. And I you know, it's hard to say bad things about him because he flew me to his house and he shouted me out on stage in speeches, and I'm cool with his kids. Uh but the stuff going on over the last year is not what I voted for. And I can't look at the evidence of what's going on with the files being released and how much both parties are seeming to be in the same system. It may it makes me inclined to believe that we're we're America is living under a uniparty, and that the political left and right is a show, it's a it's performative, and these people really are allies, and that this is a big show, and that you know, the the executive branch is like a hot potato of power, and it's just getting tossed back and forth between two groups of people. And I don't think any of those people, even if many of them get into politics because they want to change the system, the system is not built to be changed. The system is to continue to serve the top 1%, and that's globally. And I think throughout the entire West, you're starting to people in like all over Europe and and and Canada and America and Australia, they're starting to see this and realize something is like what we're being sold is not real, and the veil is dropping. And so I could be wrong, but again, like I'm usually, you know, I'm pretty decent critical thinking. You know what I mean? And I'm like, at this, at this point, it's just like you know, I I look at how divisive the media is, and the media is owned by the same families. So if the right wing media and the left wing media, the families that own those institutions, they go to they go on vacations and they go to on yachts together and talk about how they're gonna manipulate all the dum-dums.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

And here we are being divided, you know.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

And then and like I don't, you know, like I don't I s have more in common right with my with anybody who's making less than a hundred million dollars a year than otherwise. Right. You know what I mean? So I don't to me personally, when I look at the landscape of what's going on in America, and it's like the left versus the right, and it's like, you know, I feel like the Democratic Party systematically targets different minority and specialty groups to in to like make them terrified. And then I think the Republican Party does the same thing, but then demonizes those minority groups to terrify the majority groups, and what you have is a perfect divide where now you have and also algorithms, people are not communicating with people even on the internet who have differences of opinion, it's completely separated everyone. Yeah, and it's very easy to just start hating a group of people when you only see their avatars on the internet because humans, we are empathetic. So even if you disagree with somebody in person, like if you're having a heated argument with each other and maybe you say something too far, you a good person automatically reels it in because we we inherently don't want to harm each other.

SPEAKER_07 12:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

I truly believe that. And I think things like it's easy to tell someone to go jump off a bridge on Twitter or X or whatever, because it's just an emote, like you're just you're you're yelling at a computer.

SPEAKER_07 13:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

You know, and we've seen that how that kind of vitraulic human response actually has influenced people to to take their own lives.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

Yeah. You know, so it's uh So you mentioned you're 17 years sober.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

I will be in May, yeah. So 16. Wow. Well 16 and change.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

What do you say was like your true like rock bottom when you were like, I need, I need to change what's going on? Or was there a moment, was it was there a defining moment for you?

SPEAKER_00 13:30

No, I mean I think like I I um I mean the reality is is that my the death of my unborn son uh drove like I used the the excuse of losing the you know my my ex and I were pregnant and at about seven and a half months she lost the pregnancy and uh I had been sober during her pregnancy because I thought like okay I gotta I gotta quit and then I relapsed really hard and then I went about another 18 months where I was heavily, heavily using ser serious, serious drugs um to the point where I ended up homeless and um I OD'd twice.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

And uh because I couldn't live with the pain.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

Uh at least that's what I told myself. I think retroactively I understand that I was always an addict and I I kind of used that tragedy as an excuse to drink and use the way I wanted to. Um and so, you know, uh for whatever reason, God was like, Yeah, we're not done with you yet.

SPEAKER_07 14:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

And uh and and uh I was very blessed to find recovery and yeah, it's a it's uh sobriety is slow priority, right? It's like you don't just it doesn't just happen. You have to relearn how to live life.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

And do you think people romanticize recovery a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 14:54

Um you know, I ne I didn't really talk publicly about my recovery until I had about a decade of sobriety. Uh just because it's like I don't it's not that you don't want to jinx it. It's I think it's cool that people are now posting on social media like, hey, I got 90 days or I've got two years, or and everyone's very supportive about it. It's a it's a good movement.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Maybe it's accountability too, right? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Um so I and that's like I I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I just sometimes with, you know, in our in our traditions, it's like we don't mention certain things at the level of press, radio, and film. And I think as long as people don't get into exposing certain parts of recovery that shouldn't be public, that are, you know, or like talking about other people's sobriety that it's not anybody's business. Right. Yeah. You know, I think as long as people stay away from that, um, you know, it's cool.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, definitely. Um, so with um, what would you say actually breaks a band apart? Money, ego, or unspoken resentment?

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Um, I think it's all the above. Yeah. You know, I mean, I've I've sort of made amends with all of my former band members, minus one. Uh-oh. No, it's not, it's not I've tried like I tried to. Yeah. And it's just the, you know, it's like some people are committed to a victimhood. You know, and it was like there was one guy in the band who was like a vehemently leftist and like he's, you know, a communist, and like he couldn't understand that I'm like, that I I walked away from that side of the aisle. Um, I don't believe in uh I don't believe that I'm a victim in America because of the color of my skin. That hasn't been my experience. Other people may have experienced that, and I don't, I'm not trying to take away their experience. I can only speak about what I know. Now that what I know doesn't mean that that doesn't happen to other people, but I also have been through a lot. You know what I mean? I I've survived being murdered, I've survived burying a child, I've survived, you know, I was born, my mother was a crackhead. Like I was abandoned, me and my twin brother were abandoned at the hospital when I was born. Like, I'm not a victim of these things. They're just things that happened. And a lot of the things that happened to me, I, you know, I learned to turn them around and say these things happened for me. So because my the trials of my life were so much different than his, I'm not afforded the luxury of pretending to be the victim of everything. And he didn't understand that. And so this is another thing where it was like, you know, up until, you know, up until 2020, like I didn't hadn't voted conservatively. I just felt like the the party that I used to vote for had radicalized and changed. And, you know, for whatever reason, he feels like that's enough that we should never talk again.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

Well, yeah. I mean, we've we've had some of that in in our lives too. I mean, I lost a what I thought was a best friend because of who I voted for. And it's it's it's so crazy what's going on with that. Like it's you know, you have a 20-year friendship we had, and the same same reason. She just she couldn't handle it. And you know, it's it's it's so sad.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

I think also people are victims of, you know, you have to understand the again, the divide, there were billions of dollars were poured into media companies in order to orchestrate this psyop to sever everybody apart, of course, right, with identity politics. And then the thing is, you know, once you identify yourself with a political party, when you argue over policy, you're actually arguing to protect your identity and your ego. And that's where people get lost. Whereas I reserve the right to change who I vote for any anytime I want. Like I intrinsically understand, like these, I am, and again, I've met with presidents, I've had them shout me out on stage. That's not who I am.

SPEAKER_07 18:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

That's not my person. That's somebody I voted for for a term that they said they were gonna do this. And if if the person I voted for doesn't do what they say, I will hold them accountable and I will do so publicly.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

You're allowed to change your mind.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Well, the the thing is the politician's behavior changes your mind.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Right. And sometimes a lot of these people uh who get stuck in these, it's like being in an abusive relationship. You don't even realize you're being abused, and you, but you're so identified with it, or you're like, yeah, but this is who I am, and like I like my house and I like this and I like that, you know, or like you stay with someone who's cheating on you and like not getting help for that, or and you're like, but I don't want to mess everything up. And it's you, you know, you become a victim of the of identifying with something that's not real, yeah, with the idea of a person or the idea of a party. And I think that um, well, I would like to see a new party start. Like, I would like to see a new moderate political party uh that sort of resembled what the the old model was where people were more centralized. Cause like here's the thing like I don't I don't agree with a lot of right-wing things, and I don't agree with a lot of left-wing things.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

We need like a merger, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

Well, I feel like the majority of Americans feel politically homeless.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

Yeah, absolutely. I totally agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

And you've been very vocal about you know, all this and you know, you cancel culture. We're talking about that. How do you feel after you and your experience getting culture? How has that climate changed for you? Has it changed anything in your life?

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Or well, I mean, like, yeah, I mean, obviously monetarily, you know, like the consequences of me speaking out were, you know, I got removed from my label and my band, and then we had lawsuits, and then uh, you know, the master recordings of my albums that sold five, six million records were, you know, confiscated from me. So I, you know, I lost the I I've lost tens of millions of dollars, you know. And uh, you know, when I was in Bad Wolves, obviously we were selling millions of records. My absence collapsed the band. You know, and it's also because I was the primary songwriter. The guys in the band, they also didn't play on the records. The drummer played about 50% of the drums, and you know, the all the guitars and bass were done by a studio guitar player named Max. And, you know, I wrote a lot, I co-wrote a lot of the songs with Drew Folk and Brandon Salmons and stuff. And so the band was more like nine-inch nails. And so, you know, when it even when it we supposedly amicably settled and they went on, I think they thought everything was gonna be fine and it crashed in the marketplace. And then I continued to be blamed for years after I was gone. And then and the resentment of it failing caused people in the industry to blacklist me. And so then I was not even allowed to like book tours or tour with any other bands or get on any festivals. Um, and that lasted for a few years. So You know, I I definitely like I'm a hustler and I learned from a lot of the independent artists on TikTok and stuff how to renavigate and redo my career. You know, I had a couple of sold-out tours in the US that were super successful. Um, and then the the industry figured out they had to delete all my socials so I couldn't reach my fan base. So it took years to rebuild that up. Um, and it's not per like it's not personal. It's just that these people are investing money into a into a a death pot.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

And rather than admit that they chose the wrong side and it it flopped, they punish you for because the talent left. And I don't I don't mean that in like it's not in any sort of arrogant way. I just in retrospect, yeah, I think everyone can agree at this point, it's this is what happened.

SPEAKER_03 22:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

And then also I I was the only sober guy and I was the workhorse, and now and the band is uh like I don't the entire band is.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Well, it's over now. Yeah, but you know, and again, part of me going to the like I made amends to people I didn't own an apology to, you know? And sometimes you sometimes you uh you have to like be the bigger person and just say, hey man, like sorry this didn't work out.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

But you know, I feel like when you forgive someone, you're forgiving them for your own sanity, not not for them, you know. Like you like you need to make peace with it in your own head because I don't like you could be a shitty person and I'll just say, you know what, I forgive you because I don't want that that yeah, you don't want to be connected to them, right?

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Yeah, the emotional energy is, you know, it's uh resentment. They say in recovery, resentment's the number one offender. Yeah, and I think self-pity is number two, and I don't have space for that. Yeah, you know, so I sort of look at like in retrospect, I kind of look at things uh sort of like what exactly happened and how did this go wrong and how to not repeat this, you know, and and also, you know, band personalities. I think, you know, I I have a new band, and again, Chris from Bad Wolves, the founding guitar player. We started this new band and um he's sober now. And I'm honestly I'm really grateful for Chris because he came to me and he actually made an amendment to me a few years ago, and he told me everything that happened behind the scenes. Because for me, I didn't even know what I did wrong. Yeah, you know, and so there was like there were multiple layers of what was going on where you know, I people were addicted to drugs, though like I was the only sober guy. It was way worse than that. I like it was hidden from me. So a lot of the like this whole the coup of like we gotta get rid of him so we could party and like you know what I mean, and like we don't have to worry about that guy. That was a huge factor. So it was like one guy it was political, you know, a couple other guys it was like about drugs, and another guy was about money and power and having cr complete total creative control.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Um, you know, and and uh it unfortunately for what it just didn't work, you know. But I feel like grateful, you know, again for forgiveness and and and atonement because I did go a couple years being like I I literally don't even know what I did wrong.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

And it was so much more layered, right? I just was like, well, I said how I believed, and everybody attacked me. But it was like the whole, like, you know, and this is the thing fame is the only drug that makes you sick before you get it. And you know, I had had experience, like I was a sober coach for celebrities. I'd I've been around famous people, I'm friends with famous people. I don't know, I'm not gonna name drop. It never did anything for me, right? And I was welcomed into those circles because of my work in recovery.

SPEAKER_07 25:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

So I knew these people on a different level and I saw their world around them and how gross it was, and I never wanted to be that, right? Even the Bad Wolf song No Messiah is about two of my clients who like they were so famous, they had like these God complexes. And I believe that God put me in positions with those people so that when I did experience some level of fame, I didn't lose myself. Um I don't think that my I don't think that my former band members had that experience. I think they were always sort of like guys in the background, never got really got attention, didn't get girls, didn't get, never made any money, you know, and I I came into that band successful already. And uh and I think that the fame is a drug.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

It is, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

You know, and a lot of it was like, and again, this is just what has been explained to me as I've communicated with these guys and made peace, is that there was a lot of jealousy because I had hundred like, you know, I I heard, why does he have 580,000 followers and I only have 20? And I was like, Well, you don't post anything, and I'd go in the crowd and do free meet and greets, like we're selling millions of records, and I just will walk out and you know, and and the reason that that happened is because I would get off stage and people would be doing drugs backstage. They had no respect for my recovery. And I call my sponsor and he's like, You need to go be of service to people. And I was like, Well, what do I do? He's like, You just played a show, all these people wanted your attention, go out there. I was like, Well, I can't talk to everybody for two hours, I'll lose my voice. He's like, just listen to them. And so the mirror, the crazy thing that happened is that because I put so much personal my personal life, you know, like the story of my brother trying to murder me, my sobriety, like all these things that these true stories, I didn't have I would go to the merch booth and sign autographs for for an hour, and people would come and tell me their story.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

And that's powerful, right? That is.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Well, I got to like for them, maybe they were like they looked at me as this person's gone through what I've gone through. And they get to talk to one person, but it healed me because all of a sudden the things that I survived, I wasn't terminally unique anymore. So any ego I had about like, you know, the things I went through, or like I'm a survivor, or this and the look what I've it all washes away because I'm like, fuck, I'm the same as all these fucking thousands and thousands of people that I'm meeting on tour.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

But didn't that give you so much power knowing that your story influenced these people to even say that to you? Like, hey, because of you, like, you know, I'm I'm okay going through this, or you know, thank you for helping me through my sobriety. Thank you for speaking about sobriety.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

Like, no, I didn't really, I didn't, I don't look at it like that. I was like, that's the thing. I've my whole life I've always felt alone. And so it was in connecting with those people and just being humble and being out there with everybody that I was like, I'm not alone. Yeah, that's great. And God spoke to me through these people, and then we created this thing. And so the band's that was the basis of the band's fan base. Was du it was like, yeah, you're we're on the radio, and da-da-da. There's all this, you know, internet and like ancillary, but you can't replace human-to-human connection, you know. Like when I was a kid, I used to cut school to go meet Pantera. I got pictures of me with Pantera and Incubus, and you know, I would, and then my parents, I call my parents on the payphone, like, hey, I'm on my way to the concert. Like, you didn't go to school again today. And I was like, oh man, they called. They're like, Yeah, they called. I was like, I'm sorry. You know, luckily my dad was cool about that stuff, you know. I want to know kids got a dream. I was like, all right.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

I want to know you've you've been a rock star, and we have uh in in our notes here that you're also celibate.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

Yeah, uh yeah. Well, I went uh it's like eight, eight and a half months. I almost count.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

Wow, yeah. Was that by choice? Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

You know, like I mean, I like I will say this, like definitely on and off during periods of my career, I definitely my addiction switched places. And so like I also qualify for like love addiction or sex addiction. Um I just don't like I think that the band got to a level where between so between social media and the band's status, um, I got objectified somehow. And you know, inside me is a small fat kid who was always in a friend zone who never got attention, and all of a sudden, like I'm getting all this attention. And, you know, I think this happens to athletes and bodybuilders and people, you know, people who like start one way and then they get to here. And sometimes you have imposter syndrome, and you know, I feel like the little insecure kid in me got addicted to like the acceptance. And so where it's like sometimes, you know, you know, women are like, I want to sleep with a rock star. It's like the reality is is like, okay, I'm like this big, you know, muscle head guy singing songs and you know, performing in front of 10,000, 20,000 people. Um, but there's just like a like a uh an a kid who was abandoned by his mom who his first addiction was food, who was fat, and then you know, you can't hide that. And you know, I I like I blossomed later in life, and so um I got a lot of self-worth, like false self-worth from two like uh attention from women, and then in my environment, the women that I'm attracting are out of the league of literally everybody in my environment, and it has nothing to do with me, it's it's literally the the perception of me. And so everyone from like my band members and crew guys to other bands of people like, dude, you know, Tommy Vex is like dude, you're getting my own. Yeah, and so then and then you're getting reinforced that your behavior is appropriate, and like, you know, and and again, like I'm a gentleman, like I don't have bad, you know. I've I've I've had a lot of experiences. I'm friends, still friends with a lot of these people. Like, I'm not, I don't lie, I don't ever manipulate. Um, and everybody knows what they're what they're dealing with. It's just that I had to like I had to detox from that behavior. And then this is like then I was a couple years ago I did the celibacy thing, and then I got into a relationship, and then I was in a relationship for about two years with a with a woman who um had borderline personality disorder and was an addict. And uh, you know, anybody who knows about that self, it's extremely challenging. And uh, she had had a relapse and like um a suicide attempt while we were together, and uh, and you sort of being empathetic and also like the other part of me that is broken is the fixer, right? So it's like I can either I'm either fixing myself with like excessive attention from for excessive external attention from women, or I zero in on one relationship and then I put all of myself into a person, right? And then it becomes unhealthy when they're not healthy.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

Well, it's a if you have an addicted personality, I think that follows you in everything you do, right? Like I'm a firm believer in how you do one thing is how you do everything. So, you know, so if you're addicted to this, you know, you're gonna naturally gravitate towards being addicted towards your relationship and being the fixer and being their, you know, your number one for your girl. I think that follows you, you know, in in every area of life.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

I actually think the the, you know, I've been in therapy for many years and I've come to understand that my addiction is the byproduct of the underlying issue. And the issue is that no one will ever love me uh if unless they need me. And so I gravitated towards I've had several adult relationships where I was with women who couldn't, they needed me. And uh I didn't believe that I was worthy of somebody who would bring to the table what I was bringing to the table. And you know, part of separating myself from that and resetting everything is, you know, having healthy ideals um and deciding that as an adult, like I want to have a partner instead of a project. You know, and so and this is like again, this is the work that men often don't talk about that we actually have to engage in if we're going to have the lives that we want to have, and we're going to be the fathers that we need to be and the partners that we need to be, because we have to unlearn the past. Yeah, you know, so yeah, that's a whole lot.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Yeah. Oh yeah. People are like, yo, what's up with this guy? What's I thought they were talking about threesome store? Who's his therapist?

SPEAKER_00 35:19

I mean, we could talk about that too, but it's you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

Tell us, give us like, give us like one cool like rock star story. Like, give us something for the viewers. Something juicy. Give give us like some juice.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

Like, like, I don't even know. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 35:35

What is what is one of the most fun moments you've had like on tour? What's something that sticks out in your brain where you're like, you know what, I'm gonna tell my kids about this one day. This is like sick.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

I mean, some of the I mean, the mo the the the craziest moments on tour, like they don't, it's not about me. Like, you know, I I'll give you two examples off off the bat is um I got a couple, you know, one uh I was doing a meet and greet on Toro Papa Roach in St. Louis, and this family came and this little girl was like, you know, she was like, and I was like, oh, okay. And like kids love zombie. So and I go, like, I still get recognized, and people, kids call me zombie man, like it's a zombie man. It's uh you know, I'm like, hey, they're like, oh, sorry about that. I'm like, no, it's me. They're like, oh, you know, and so she was like, I'm gonna sing zombie tonight. And I was like, I'm like, you sure are. I was like, Do you need to practice? She's like, nope, I already practiced with my dad. And I was like, Where's your dad? And she's like, he's in heaven. And I'm like, oh my god. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 36:37

So like, you know, I know it spoke to me.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

Yeah, her dad had that was her dad's favorite song, and they would sing it together, and he was dying from cancer, and he passed. So I brought her on stage and she like took the microphone and like that's cool. She like really rehearsed, and and the whole place went crazy.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

Just gave me chills. I know.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

And I've had situations, like that's like a memorable moment. There was a this kid, Jacob Les Prawns in Canada. I was on tour with. Uh, he was dying of brain cancer, and uh Doc actually came into the dressing room, was like, hey man, uh, this kid has cancer. Can you come meet him? I was like, yeah. And so I met him and his mom, and I was like, dude, do you want to stand on the side of the stage? Like he had to sit. So I gave him gave him seats on the side of the stage, and then we were playing zombie. I think we were in, I don't remember if it was Montreal or Quebec. It was, it was like a big room, and um, we were playing with three days grace, and I was like, Do you want to sing zombie? He was like, you know, he's like 18 years old, and he came out and uh, you know, we gave him every piece of merch we had, he was like wearing it all. That's so good. And he came out and sang, and and then we, you know, I was like, I'm like, hey everybody, this is my friend Jacob. I'm like, do you want to say anything to the people? And dude, this kid without a beat, he was like, you know, he was like, my name's Jacob, and I'm diagnosed with brain cancer. And the doctor said I should have been dead six months ago, and I stayed just to go to this concert. Oh my god. And the whole crowd, everyone's crying. You know, my ex-girlfriend was in was in from Australia. We're like, everyone's just crying. And uh I he lived two more years. I stayed friends with him on Instagram, and uh in 2021, his mom reached out and because I hadn't gotten a message from him in a while, and she's like, he's she's like, I can't thank you enough for being friends with myself. Oh my god. Oh wow, you know, so these are like the things, like, and then again, like this is much better than like, oh yeah, I just had sex with seven chicks, you know, like you know what I mean? Like it's it's a much better uh, you know, like when I again like I was like a mini rock star before I was sober, and like that's how I spent my time, you know? And uh, you know, it's it's empty, yeah, yeah you know, and a lot of people like um especially after hearing those stories.

SPEAKER_02 39:04

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Yeah, how do you follow that up?

SPEAKER_00 39:06

Yeah, no, it's it's crazy. Like, and then you know, I had a guy break into the backstage. Uh I talked about this on Jay Cutler's podcast a couple years ago. Uh, he broke in with his daughter, she had hospital bracelets on, and like the story is like his daughter tried to commit suicide, he went to the institution, he broke her out. Oh my god, and then got her in the show, and then broke in backstage to meet me because I was her favorite singer.

SPEAKER_01 39:34

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 39:34

And one of the road crew guys was like, Tommy, uh, this guy's here, he's not supposed to be here. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, so what? He's like, it was with his daughter, she tried to kill herself. I was like, I'm like, all right, I just got off stage, you know, and I just like you know, I've said it before, I'm like, I don't know who these people think I am. Like, I'm just I used to be a crackhead. Like, and now people are like, you gotta talk to my kid.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

And I'm and the same thing, like I just I asked her questions and I listened, you know, and um But you know what I I think of people like that, they they don't have people asking them questions and listening. And maybe that's why they're they're drawn to you because you you give that energy out, right? Any everything's energy, and if people feel that from you, and you know, that's maybe that's your purpose here, you know.

SPEAKER_00 40:24

Yeah, well, I think everybody can do that. I mean, I think everybody look when we're when we're we're our best when we're not selfish, yeah, right? Yes, it it's hard, especially in today, like in the world that we live, everything is of social media, everything is a self, self, self, and like we get programmed for this, and it's like you know, we've never been more connected through the internet, but we've also like I said, with the empathy thing and like arguing on the internet, like we've never been more disconnect disconnected in humanity.

SPEAKER_03 40:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:56

And um I I don't know, like I don't I it's not what one person what one man can do, another can do, right? And what one woman can do, another can do. Any, you know, it's nothing it's not it's not special, it's just inherent in all of us to like try. You know, I I it's easy to I guess is a it's also easy to like have more empathy for young people because they're innocent. You know, I I mean even I was having trouble with my ex, you know, like she was really having really she was problematic and she was kind of not really nice to me when she was going through her episodes. And I switched all her contact information in my phone to like when she was a little kid. So if she called me and be like, you're fucking uh and I'm just looking at the picture, I'm like, uh-huh. Uh okay, yeah. Okay, okay, you know, and it's just like sometimes, you know, when I look at everybody as God's children, like I'm I can't really get mad, and I don't do that enough. Like, I I'm not saying that as this is who I am, I'm saying that as I'm sitting here where we're talking about this, I recognize that this is who I should be because it's very easy for me to become uh unconscious, have a threatened ego, and then want to smash people, you know, whether it's verbally or whatever. And um there's too there's just too much of that. I know, like I'm sorry, this is like everyone's like, yeah, I heard this guy hooked up with like 500 chicks and then he's gonna come and talk about it. I was like, well, unfortunately, we've been spending the last few years in therapy diligently working on ourselves. This is good.

SPEAKER_01 42:34

This is really good.

SPEAKER_00 42:35

You can unscumbag yourself, you know.

SPEAKER_01 42:37

So this is this is a question that I'm I'm I'm gonna start a new thing for us. When we have a guest, I would like to know if you had speaking on that, if you could say one sentence to your younger self, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 42:52

It's gonna be all right. I like that. It's gonna be alright.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

Yep. Yeah. I think we all need to hear that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

Listen, I've lived a life beyond my wildest dreams. Um, even though, and it got taken away from me. But it's like the fact that I lived it is crazy. You know, like I'm you know, there was a point, you know, in 2010, like there's a famous story, the the Remember When song is about this. And uh, you know, my brother was on drugs and he had broken into my apartment and he he beat me to death with a crowbar. He hit me from behind, broke my skull. Oh my god, my spleen ruptured, and uh I flatlined in the E in the ER. And like, you know, as I was dying, like my mom was there. It was like super traumatic for her, and I was just like, God, please not today. And um, you know, and I I had a near death experience. I was like, I had a full out of body experience. I like left the earth. I had, you know, I never knew about any of this stuff, and I didn't research it until like years after I obviously survived. Um, but I was told on the other side that I wasn't finished, and I got sent back. And um you know, there's that it's hard to s like I think the the it's hard to threaten somebody like me with cancellation. It's hard to you know, what are you you're gonna take my money, you're gonna ruin my reputation, you're gonna I'm like dude, I've been dead, I got cancelled from being alive. You know, and um and I think we people people are so afraid of losing their materialism that they're afraid to use their voice when we're all actually looking at what's wrong in the world and we're almost so like afraid to say what we all see. And you know, I think I think people in general need to get their voice back. And I think like I really do, you know, all like any liberal people that I offended with my vote or whatever, like, you know, I'm sorry, you know, and any conservative people that may be offended by the way that I feel about the current administration, I'm sorry. But my job isn't to like say things that make you feel comfortable. I literally, like everyone else, observe it and I say the way that I process it. And we need more of the people on the left and the right, and I don't mean in politics, because I believe I've I I concede that there's a game going on and that this is mostly fake. And I think that the population um needs to come together, right? I'm like one of those dudes who like, I want to see the all the dudes in the ghetto and all the rednecks like roll up together at the barbecue and be like, we're gonna get these sons of bitches for messing with these kids, you know? Like that's what I want. Like, that's you know, I'm like, that's what I want. Yeah, you know, I I want uh, you know, I want the Me Too movement to come in and say, like, no, this isn't okay what they're doing to these women and these children. And then I want the men, uh, you know, like the fighting class warriors, the military and the UFC fighters and all these people to come out and say, no, we're gonna do something about it, instead of having everything all over the place. And it's like, if we can't all agree that torturing, murdering, trafficking, and eating people, like that's in there. Yeah, this is crazy. Like, this is beyond evil, you know. And so there's just literally two groups of people. There's like people who murder, rape, sex traffic, and are cannibals, and then the rest of us, most of that's 99.999 is the rest of us. There's nothing for us to argue about anymore.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

No, right?

SPEAKER_00 46:33

And so we'll see if we can get it together, but I hope so.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

Well, we'll start with us, yes.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Yeah, punch a cannibal. I don't know. It's not all you can do is laugh. It's so crazy, you know.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Hunt the loco, the the local uh the the bad guys, yeah. All right. Well, this has been a very riveting conversation. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for having me. Thank you for joining on me. No, this is great. This is great. We wanted to get down to the nitty-gritty. So sweet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:05

Is there anything you wanted to say to the listeners as far as you know, your upcoming uh, yeah, we uh uh so the new band, we haven't announced, I guess I'll I'll just announce the name.

SPEAKER_00 47:18

It's called With a Vengeance.

SPEAKER_03 47:19

Oh, hello.

SPEAKER_00 47:20

So it's uh we you know we own the trademark now. And so uh the band is uh it's me and Chris Kane from Bad Wolves, Angel Vivaldi, Davey Oberlin, formerly of Five Finger Death Punch and Korn, uh, and uh Austin, who is the drummer. Uh he plays in Chimera and Devil Drummer. And so we'll be dropping a record probably the late summer, I think. Nice and um going on tour.

SPEAKER_01 47:46

Can we get tickets, Tommy? Can we get invited? No, we'll give you guys passes. It'll be fine.

SPEAKER_00 47:50

You just gotta cover the show live, right? Okay, you got it. Don't throw tomatoes at us, you know. We'll do it. Then we get in the balcony, ah, you sang the wrong note.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

I'm like, oh shit. That's awesome. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, thanks for having me. Cool. Yeah, thank you. Well, thank you guys. Hope you enjoy that. And if you have any questions for Tommy, please drop them below. Yes, you can make him juicy. He's not afraid of juicy questions.

unknown 48:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 48:12

I like the juice.

SPEAKER_01 48:16

Cheers, cheers.