What Actually Makes a Man Sexy (It’s Not What You Think)

Most men think being “sexy” is about looks. It’s not.

In this episode of Coffee and Cleavage, Lynnie and Claudia break down what actually creates attraction, the subtle behaviors, mindset, and presence that separate men who are noticed… from the ones who are ignored.

This isn’t about gimmicks or pickup lines. It’s about the things you do without realizing that either build attraction… or kill it instantly.

If you’ve ever wondered why some men naturally stand out without saying much… this is why.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to Coffee and Cleavage. Hello, guys. Cheers. I'm Lenny. And I'm Claudia. And hello, Gary.

SPEAKER_05 0:10

Hey ladies. How are you? Hello, Gary. How are you guys?

SPEAKER_02 0:13

We have such good coffee today. Like our new mugs.

SPEAKER_05 0:17

Yeah, those are cool. I'm loving the new mugs.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Cool, right?

SPEAKER_03 0:19

Yeah, they're adorable. Should we do merch? We should. We honestly should. Yeah. A lot of people have asked in the past, you know. I think we need like t-shirts and mugs. Yeah, we do. Mm-hmm. Okay. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

What are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_03 0:37

The sexiest thing guys can do. Ooh. So, guys, take notes.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Yeah, this is definitely an episode. You want to get your little pen and paper ready. What are some of the sexiest things? Let me ask Linny first. What is something that a man can do for you that just daddy?

SPEAKER_03 1:05

Oh God, you know, I um I mean, this is like outside of the bedroom of the um I think making eye contact is huge for me. You know, and someone that actually listens to you, you know, and lets you talk and doesn't like, you know, and they remember what you say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

I'm a big engaged questions girl. Yeah. Like if you ask me questions, I think that is such a sexy thing to do. Because you're showing interest, right? Yeah. So I think I think, and that is like at any point of a relationship, especially when you just start dating. I think that's very, very important. So take note on that.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

And I also think as a relationship grows and develops, I think asking even more questions is even more important because you're showing you're still interested. And I want to know about your day and you know, how was your hair appointment? How was this, that, the other? Have you heard about the bird theory? So it's like this big thing going around now that you randomly just tell your partner, I saw a bird today. And their reaction tells you everything that you need to know about them as a person. So if they're like, okay, cool. Or if they're like, what kind of bird? Where did you see it? Shows are actually interesting. Exactly. So questions, I think, gentlemen ask lots of questions. Ask it and and if if a girl asks you or tells you she saw a bird today, I'm literally telling you the secret right now.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Sit down and be like, what kind of bird? What color? Where did it fly? I thought they all go south. Yeah. That's that's funny.

SPEAKER_05 2:42

So I got a question about your questions thing. So how do you come off as you're not like interrogating them? Because you know when you're like question, question, question, you're like, holy fuck, you're like interrogating me.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

I mean, how does it not come off like tone, right? Because I mean, I think there's a difference between how was your hair appointment? Or how was your hair appointment? How did it go? Did you do something different today? I mean, if you're asking me, so what time did you go to your hair point? Yeah, like then, you know, I think I think tone is the difference that makes everything, you know, like how you speak to somebody. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. Yeah. And I'm a huge advocate of of that specific idea. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 3:25

Is that also just because it's like they're showing interest in you and they want to see like, hey, how was your day? You know, asking about you, not just saying or talking about themselves.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 3:34

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

And I think too when they notice the small things, you're like, oh damn, I love your shoes, or you know, little things like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if you like them, buy me another pair.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Um, so a big one, uh, we have emotional control here, but in a good sense, emotional control, not controlling a woman emotionally, but not panicking when you have emotions. I think that's a super big one. And I think when a man is able to be in a position where he could be upset or visit visibly angry and he knows how to like calm that demeanor, that is so sexy.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

That's so hot. Yeah. Like basically, you don't have to show people how big your balls are. Like, I'm able to like handle this calmly.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

Yeah. I love that. Oh, yeah, I do too. I love that. Yeah, absolutely. Um, you know, also to someone that takes the initiative, you know, like plans a date, makes decisions.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Um there's nothing worse to me than what are we doing tonight? What what do you want to do?

unknown 4:48

I hate that.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

I hate that. Another one I'll put you guys on is if you ask your girl, well, pretend you're asking her. Um, so I made a reservation at your favorite spot tonight. And then she'll go, Oh my God, we're going to, let's say, Applebee's. And that's where you know where to take her. Because she already said where she wants to take.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

I'm putting you guys on. This is such good information today. That is. This is so good. Yeah. So just ask little questions.

SPEAKER_02 5:21

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:22

So essentially you're saying, like, take charge, you know, in that way. Like, hey, we're going out here. And not like, hey, what do you want to do tonight? I don't know. What do you want to do? I hate it. It's just, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:31

So leading without controlling. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 5:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:34

Be a leader.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think, and you know, we we've talked about this, and I think this needs to be an episode one day. This whole soft girl life, it just makes my blood just blow. I hate it. It makes my blood fertile. I hate it. You're just lazy. Sorry, girls. You're lazy.

SPEAKER_05 5:51

So I don't even I don't understand what soft girl era is.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Soft girl era is I don't work because my man is a provider. That's basically I don't want to work.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

I don't want to do anything. Men are responsible for leading, providing, doing everything. All I do is I exist. I hate that shit.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

I I just it reminded me of I saw your uh your Instagram story yesterday. It was so fucking great. Did you see it, Gary?

SPEAKER_04 6:25

Yeah, I think I did.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

The uh the her um, you know, you're in your car and then the curb is showing the like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

I have a really good reel coming for that. By the time this episode goes live, you guys will see it. But I want to do one where like you're like, she's like this, and then like I'll come in through the roof up top and still have my head by the logo.

SPEAKER_05 6:45

Gotta show that logo.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Right. You gotta show the logo. Yeah. So anyway, to answer your question, that's soft girl life. It's just it's not working, it's not doing anything. Which if you want to be a mom, if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, I get it, but that's a job. Yeah, that's doing something. That is a very difficult job. But if you just tell me your life is to shop and sit around, girl. Yeah. Yeah. Go make some money, babe. Um, so be a leader in a sense of leading the house, coming up with, you know, the big decisions, being a part of them, you know, making the plans, planning things so your girl doesn't have to stress about certain things. Like that's being a leader, not yeah, I take care of everything and you just sit on your ass. Yeah. I can't. I just can't do that.

SPEAKER_03 7:27

No, those are, you know, very attractive qualities for sure. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

And what about Lenny? How do you think it is when a man makes it clear that you're his number one?

SPEAKER_03 7:38

Oh, that's hot as fuck. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Absolutely. I love that. I do too. Show me I'm wanted. Mm-hmm. Compliment me. That's a big one too. And compliment me in things that are beyond physical, too.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

Yeah. Like I love your laugh, you know, or things like that. Yeah. Things about you that, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Yeah. I don't wanna I don't want to just hear I'm hot. I know I'm hot.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

The whole the whole internet, minus a few people become hot. That's very spay, guys.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Do you ever notice that those kind of people they are following you? Of course. Of course. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

And I love that. Please follow. Yep. Uh, masculine energy, uh, not being rushing, not chasing validation. I think that's super important too.

SPEAKER_03 8:30

Yep. Moves like he knows his value. That's huge. That's daddy vibes. For sure. That's very, very sexy to me.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Yeah. Like you know you're a man of worth and not just because of your financial status, but of what you bring to a relationship.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

I think that's very hot. Oh, this is a big one. Phone down. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's huge. If we're at dinner and your phone is literally up the whole time, I can't.

SPEAKER_03 8:57

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I have um, I've gone on a date with someone before and um where he had his phone out the whole time and he actually answered his phone. He was like, Hold on a sec, I need to take this.

SPEAKER_05 9:09

Was he like it's business? Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

Yeah. He was like a solar, solar panel salesman or whatever. And I'm just like, yeah. And he was almost what panels are going up at eight o'clock at night. Like, yeah, sir.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:23

Wouldn't it be better to almost show your phone ringing, like be like, all right, like my phone's ringing, like, sorry about that. And like it makes it known, you're like, hey, you're in the moment, and you're not gonna answer the phone, you're not gonna text, and you're like in the moment. Isn't that huge? Yeah to girls. I mean, wouldn't that be huge to you? Like, wow, okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

It's kind of fucking common sense, you know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:42

But I mean, I think guys do it to come off as cool too. Like, oh, hold on, like, I like I run this business, and it's like, okay, cool. You gotta answer your phone every second and be on it. And I think it's rude as fuck, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

But it is. But that also shows me like if you have to take a business call, you're not doing as well as you think you are. Yeah. Because somebody that's truly top of the line in their business, they could put their phone away and and everything's fine. They'll they'll get to when they get to it. Like, what do you work at? Like, you know, like a call center. Like you have to like I'm on call.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Yeah. Like, unless you're a doctor, put that phone away.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

Exactly. You know, yeah. Yeah, that's definitely a huge one for sure.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

Um, you know, also too, what's always been huge to me is someone that's like confident but not cocky or arrogant. You know, that's huge.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Yeah. Sometimes I I want to see like you a little cocky, but yeah, in certain times.

SPEAKER_03 10:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Yeah. Like I like I know I like it when you know you're hot, but like we don't need to like show that all the time. Exactly. That's weird. Yeah.

unknown 10:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

What about you, Gary? What what is like something? If you're out on a date, we're gonna flip the rolls. I know this is the sexiest thing a man can do, but what's the sexiest thing a woman can do for you?

SPEAKER_05 10:58

Um, I think honestly, show interest in a conversation. You know, when someone's like interested in the conversation, you can tell that they're like questioning you. Like you said, I I mean, I like when someone's questioning me and you just have this flow and you can tell they care. Not like they don't give a shit. Because I feel like so many people are so they can't get engaged with the conversation. So I think that's huge for me.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Yeah. I agree with that. Yeah. And the phone thing, can you be on a date?

SPEAKER_05 11:25

Yeah, that would bug the shit out of me, honestly. That would be like if someone answered the phone when I was on a date with them, I would just be like, okay, like who uh who is this that you are having to like answer the phone? It's just it's super rude, I think.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

I can't think of one example that you need to be on your phone on a date.

SPEAKER_05 11:41

Maybe unless you have a kid or something, it's like, hey, sorry, my babysitter's calling, but that I mean, that would be maybe the only reason.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Probably not on a date with your baby at home.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

Sorry.

SPEAKER_05 11:52

Exactly. So it's like, I can't think of anything where it's like, hold on, I have to answer this real quick.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Yeah. The house better be on fire. Like I literally can't think of one reason. And I also think I I saw this one uh reel one time, and it it raised a really good point of you could have your phone, but they were saying that even if your phone is next to you and not in your hand and the screen is still up, you might as well just be holding the stupid thing. Yeah. You know, like put your phone like it.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

Yeah, because it can be distracting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Or put it in your back pocket, you know. And if and if somebody is calling you, God forbid, put it on vibrate and you'll hear the you know vibrations going. But yeah, I mean, it's the same thing. Like whether you're holding it or what what's like up like that, they both kind of suck.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

So yeah, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_05 12:42

So are you are you ladies' acts of service? Do you do you like love languages? Yeah, is that like a big turn on, you know, like a guy like taking care of like you know, getting gas for your car, like doing stuff like that for you, being like, hey, I just washed your car. Is that like, you know, because some some girls are like, I'm independent, I can do that myself. I mean, like, is that huge? Do you like a guy doing that?

SPEAKER_03 13:03

I mean, uh absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:07

You know, like in a way, like taking care of you.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

What is your love language? I like I would say acts of services and words of affirmation.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

I would say that. I think I think as I've gotten older, they've changed. Um words were definitely like my thing because I don't think I had a lot of them in like my earlier relationships. And like I was never like the the kid that like got like kudos from my parents. Like now now I'm trauma dumping. Sorry guys. So like when I got into my relationships, it was always like words, I need words, I need words. And now I think I get so many words online. I'm like, stop talking to me. I don't need the words. Because now everybody, like, you know, yeah, you know, Muhammad is like over here, like, oh yo, yo, beautiful, you know. Like now I don't need the words. Sorry for that accent. That was terrible. Um, so I think now acts of service, like, you know, like yeah, help me with things, you know, do the dishes, take out the trash, you know, think things I don't have to think about and physical touch for me.

SPEAKER_03 14:07

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:08

Well, it's like is it the roles reverse, you know, like hey, I did the laundry to make it easier where you're like tired. And I feel like that's where I don't know, like because you know guys are like, I'm the guy, I don't do that shit, I don't cook, I don't do that. Where it's like, I don't know. I feel like that is changing in a way, you think? It is it is because I feel like women appreciate that so much more. It's like, hey, I did this, so you can relax. And it's like I just don't understand why more guys don't do that. Where it's like, hey, what's for dinner tonight? I know you're at work all day. It's like, I don't get it. Like, right, why would you not just make dinner or be like, hey, I picked us up dinner?

SPEAKER_00 14:39

It's like, yeah, it's thoughtfulness, right? It is. And I I think outside of like a like a love language, it's it's like you're just thinking about me. Like, I like knowing you're thinking about me. Like my favorite thing you can do for me, and this is so stupid, is when you like when you're out and you grab like some gummy bears or something. Like, I just want to know you were out and you thought about me. Yeah. You know, and it doesn't have to be big, it could literally be like a lollipop, it could be anything. Like my husband goes and he gets a haircut and they have like this big bowl of candy, and he always grabs me like a piece of candy on the way out. And like he comes home every you know Friday from his hair candy, he's like, I got you something.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

And I always know what it is, but I always like I look forward to it because I'm like, Oh, like it's it's like it's his little thing, you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Yeah, and he'll do the dishes. I haven't done the dishes. I can't tell you the last time I did the dishes. Like, and I do the laundry, like there's well, I do the laundry because there's no way if if something of mine gets drunk, I'll cry. So, but he'll do these things, and you know, that that's his role in making sure that I'm satisfied in those ways, and I think that's great. And I think to Gary's point, I think more men need to take that initiative.

SPEAKER_05 15:45

Yeah, I think more just more just don't care, where it's like, don't you just it would make her in a better mood, but you're just like, eh, I don't cook. So I'm not what's for dinner, and it's like I just don't get it in a way. It's it's just like, are you wanting to have her like be pissed off? I just I don't understand it.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

Then you know what? Then just order it and put it on a pretty plate and it's just as good as you cooking.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Yeah, you know. So and physical touch, I think we need to like clear that up because I think a lot of men also think physical touch is like a sexual term. Physical touch to me means like if I'm standing, you know, in line, you put your hand on like my lower back, or you know, if we're sitting on the couch, you know, you you touch my shoulder, play with my hair, you know, give me a foot rub, like that's physical touch, not not necessarily it has to be like a sexually charged, you know, yeah thing.

SPEAKER_03 16:35

Like grabbing your tit or your ass. Yeah, totally. Sure, do that too, but yeah, but it's a little thing, yeah. Yeah, do it all. Yeah. No, definitely. I've always thought the hottest thing is when you know, your touch, like grabbing your neck or like your face slightly to kiss your kiss your forehead. Little things like that. Forehead kisses are my favorite. They're so cute.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

I couldn't melt.

unknown 16:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Forehead kisses are like that's like my kryptonite, I think.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

I definitely think so.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

It just makes you feel really loved, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Because it's something you don't have to do, and it offers the man no. It offers the man nothing, right? Like it does nothing for you sexually, it doesn't gratify you in any way, doesn't do anything for you.

SPEAKER_05 17:19

It's just it's Do you think it's because of it's more of like a nurturing thing? It's not sexual at all. It's like more, way more caring. Yeah. Because you're not like kissing someone on the forehead trying to be like, that's where I'm gonna start. Like you're not doing that.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

But that's usually where it starts. It's like when you're trying to not start, that's usually how it starts.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Yeah.

unknown 17:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Do the do the forehead kisses, guys. They're so cute. They are, they're adorable. So many secrets on today's episode. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

I know. Well, we hope that you guys um, you know, learned a thing or two. Or I mean, I've learned a lot from this. Thank you. So you're welcome.

SPEAKER_04 17:57

At least I have.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

Gary's got some homework to do. Yeah, well, thanks, guys.

SPEAKER_03 18:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Let us know if uh you want to get some merch out of us.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Yes, our new mugs. I love them.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

So cute.

SPEAKER_03 18:13

They are cute. Cheers. Cheers.