The “Soft Girl Era” Is Making Women Weak

In this episode we break down how the “soft girl era” trend went from self care to an aestheticized excuse for avoidance, dependency, and romanticizing fragility.

Is it healing or just rebranded laziness with filters and matcha lattes?

We talk modern relationships, social media conditioning, hyper femininity, validation culture, and why strength suddenly became “toxic.”

Soft life or soft coping?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Welcome to Cock Block in Cleveland.

SPEAKER_03 0:08

Oh fuck. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Welcome to Can you keep these bloopers in? Yeah. Yeah. Give us le give us these bloopers.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Gary you want to start with. How do you stop that? How do you stop laughing?

unknown 0:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 0:35

Welcome to Coffee and Cleavage. Welcome, guys. I'm Lenny.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

And I'm Claudia. Hello, Mr. Gary. Hey, how are you doing? We are just giggly today. You guys are very giggly.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

We got some good bloopers.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Yeah, we got great bloopers. So if you just saw those bloopers, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Cockbox should be a great episode one day, actually.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

Oh my god, yeah. I'm gonna write that down.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Yeah, can you?

SPEAKER_03 0:57

Yeah, we need to do that. I'm gonna put the top of the notes here.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Yeah, do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Our topic today is, I think, a very controversial one because I feel like you're either on one side of the of this theory and or on the complete opposite side of the theory. And I'm curious to see where where you're at with this. But today we're talking about the soft girl era.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

Soft girl era. And no, I didn't even know what this was until Yeah, we need a definition because I'm kind of I didn't at first until I did a little search on it.

SPEAKER_02 1:29

It's interesting because what it actually means and how women are interpreting it are two completely different things. So let's let's boil it down for you guys because I feel like you see it all over Instagram. You see it all women are talking about it, it's thing. It's I think it needs to be dissected and actually talked about what it actually is, because it's described as leaning into your feminine power and a life of ease and a life of rest and being taken care of. But is that just glamorized laziness? And that is the question because women are saying men are the providers, men are responsible for work, men should only be working. My thing as a woman, my aura as a woman should be kicking back and letting the man do everything. And I sit in my divine feminine power and I just rest.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

So it's not going back to women duty like cooking, cleaning. So it's like the woman just does they also don't want to do that. So it's uh essentially like they're the trophy trophy wife that just correct.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

And and you know, my my problem with this, my opinion on this is it it gives women a false sense of power when you're actually, I think, stripping the woman of the power because you're taking everything away from her. And it gives you a false sense of security. Because think about it this way: let's say you're in your soft girl era and you meet a man that makes you stop working, you no longer have to pay your bills, you you no longer have an income coming in because he's taking care of everything. Sounds great. But let's say this man is over you in the next five years, 10 years, however long. You have nothing. You have nothing to show for.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

So do And that's my problem with that. Do you rely on him too? Like, hey, here's your allowance. Like, how do you is he just like, here's your credit card?

SPEAKER_02 3:33

Basically, yeah. Yeah. Like you don't do anything, I take care of everything. You're in your soft girl era, and you kind of relinquish all that responsibility. And for a woman, she feels women that believe in this era think that's powerful because they don't have to do anything. Like, I have a man catering to me.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

I feel like it's more powerful for the man because essentially it's like, I kind of own you now. You do. So, like here, you want money, it's because of me. Like, if I leave you, you're fucked. Yeah. So I mean, that's where I don't really understand how a woman feels empowered by that. But I mean, I don't really get that.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

Yeah. And that's that's literally my problem with it because I think it's it, it's empowerment being that that's like the the icing on the cake. Like, look, it's empowered like it's empowerment, but it's actually setting women back.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Kind of sounds like a, you know, like a sugar daddy, sugar baby situation in a way.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

It's usually what that is, and women aren't saying that out loud. Like that's exactly what it is.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

That's what it sounds like. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

Or like an escort kind of situation. Like these women are literally escorting to make a living, and they're acting like they've manifested this beautiful life.

SPEAKER_03 4:43

Oh, that's bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

When it's you're not manifesting anything, you're being paid for your body.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

And you're saying it's like a soft life. It's not soft. You're everything but soft.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

God.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

You're everything but soft. And I and I've, you know, I've I've touched this on my own Instagram before. Some of I think the most soft women that like I see, like, for example, like to me, like uh like Layla Milani or like uh Lily Gleeche, these are women that are with husbands that are they're married, they're their their husbands are either millionaires, billionaires, or close to billionaires. And these women could literally live the softest life of all time, right? Because your husbands, they they got it. Like you don't have to work. They have children with these guys, like they don't have to work. But these women have gone and created empires. That's smart. They've built businesses that have employees, that people now rely on these women because you know, you're you're you're feeding mouths, like you've given opportunities to people. That to me is true softness because I'm choosing. I could do nothing, but I'm such a woman and I'm so in my divine feminine power that I'm I've created opportunities for people. That to me is a soft life. Like I don't have to do this, but I'm choosing to.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

And I think that's like the the where people are so screwed up with this. Like you, you, you're you're not understanding what soft is. Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_03 6:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

And I feel like, you know, when you you could be the soft girl era and you feel like, okay, this is cool. What do I do? It's like you have no meaning in your life. What are you gonna do? Just go shopping again. Like that's what they want, yeah. That gets you get really boring. I feel like, okay, you can buy a new car. Okay, you can go shopping in. And it's like, doesn't that get old after two months, three months, a year? And you're just like, maybe some girls love that. But I mean, I think some do. I think some do, but what what's your purpose in life?

SPEAKER_02 6:38

That's that's exactly my point. Like, are you on this earth to just exist? That's like when when it's when it's your time uh at the end of your life and you're laying in your deathbed, you shopped, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, you went to you went to leave them behind.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

You went to Pilates on a Monday, like that's that's you got went to Starbucks and like you're just like, I'm shopping, and like that's my life. Like it's hard. And then my chef cooked us dinner. It's like I mean, I don't know how that could last. I mean, some women I guess love that because they don't have to do anything, but I I don't know how you would last doing that.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Yeah, I mean, I don't see it at all, honestly. No, yeah, and this is like we're women where like we could we could have chosen that life, we could have very easily said, I don't want to do shit. I'm gonna find some billionaire and he's gonna take care of me, and that's that's that.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

But I would have to do something though, like have them invest in helping you with the company or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

Something help others, like you know, and they'll be like, Well, you know, I donate to charity. Okay, you're donating your husband's your sugar daddy's money to charity, great. But like, what what is your purpose? Like, what are you doing with that softness? And I and I agree, I think women are they are the softer of the two sexes, right? We we do have that power of of of being nurturing and giving life and all that, but what is your purpose in your life? That's why I hate this this the soft girl thing so much, because I feel like I'm so pro-women that like we fought so hard as women to like be able to work, to be able to drive, to be able to vote. There's still places in the world where women can't even get in a car or or work or do anything. And we in this, you know, in this country, we're like, well, I don't want to.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

That's just being fucking lazy. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Yeah, it's to me, it's lazy.

SPEAKER_03 8:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Do you think a lot of the guys like it though? Like the billionaires like that. So they meet a girl, like one of you guys, and it's like, well, you don't have to do that anymore. If you're like, well, I want to, I want to still have purpose. And like, why would you still do OnlyFans? You don't need to.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

You don't need to, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

And they want you to be like, Well, you rely on me now. It's like a power thing. And I feel like they love that shit.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

Oh, they do, the control.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Rich guys love being like, Oh, you want to go with this purse? All right, okay. You yeah, you can do that. And here's your here's your credit card. I'm sure they already have a credit card, but they love that power.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

You're creating dependency, yeah. And I think that's that's the problem that like these soft girl girls aren't aren't seeing. Like, you're not really that independent, not having to to do anything. You're creating a terrible dependency because trust me, if a billionaire is into you today, 10 years from now, he's gonna be into you what you are today, because he's gonna want the younger girl, he's gonna want the newer model. And then what? Yeah, then you've had 10 years of no career, no, no finances. And what what if this guy doesn't marry you?

SPEAKER_03 9:35

Well, look at the ones that do get married, and then let's just say the guy dies, and then they're they're not in their will or anything.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Yeah, they do that a lot, I feel like they make it seem like oh, you're gonna get this money, and then they don't get shit.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

Yeah, but not only that, but let's say you're an older guy and you pass away, and let's say you let's say you left her everything in the will, and now she's that's it. Like now you're just a rich old woman.

SPEAKER_03 9:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

You know, and you haven't had anything genuine in your life. You just you had this, you have this beautiful collection in your closet, but that's all you have to show for it. And now you're gonna start dating somebody as a 60-year-old woman with $10 million to her name. Like, you you know, you know who's gonna go after you if you're a rich old woman. You're gonna get the young guys that you know that also don't want a serious thing. Now, now you're the the girl that's you know sugar mama. You know, you're the sugar mama.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Do you guys know anyone that is doing this that actually enjoys it or has yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

A lot of women and most women. Most women.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

You think that's like what they're all they all strive for? Like, all right, I'm doing this now, but I'm gonna like this rich guy's gonna sweep me off my feet, and then I'm like, I think most women are are striving for that.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Yeah, that's yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

All right, most women in in our industry. I think I shouldn't say most women, because I don't think most women like this is in our industry. In our industry, yeah. I don't think in in the the normal world that that's like a thing. But like there's so much power to me in like knowing I go online for the day. And like, for example, I had like a $13,000 day the other day.

SPEAKER_03 11:07

Fuck yeah, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

And that's great. And those are normal days for me. Like I could do that over and over. Like, if you know, if I if I just wanted to sit down and buckle down like I did on this day. And there's so much power knowing that, like, I did that. I did that for myself. And you know, if if I were to be single tomorrow, nothing would change in my life financially. Because I got myself like that. And these women can't say the same. Like if your guy drops you, you're fucked up. Better the plant. Yeah, that's it. And if you let your OnlyFans fall apart, well, then you know, you know how it is. People fall off, your your subscribers are gone. Yeah, then what? Then you get a normal job.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Like, what is I think the guys know that too? It's like, what are you gonna do? You're never gonna leave me. And I feel like that's why so many of them are like, Yeah, I might be talking to other girls. I mean, like, what what is it that you're gonna do about it? Yeah, you're not gonna go anywhere, you're gonna continue to sit here because what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? You don't money, you don't have a job, and they're just kind of like, Okay, you're right.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

And you think these you think these mil multi-millionaire billionaires are talking to just one girl?

SPEAKER_00 12:11

Yeah, it's like okay, their own business, and like, oh, I got my Chicago and I got this. And it's like, of course they do that.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

And you you you fly your girls around and it's yeah, and you just be content and you're like, Well, I know he's fucking all these other girls, but I guess whatever, it don't have to work. It's like sounds like a great life.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Yeah. Soft girl era to me only works when you've built a life that could afford softness. I could afford softness, I could be soft, but I could also take myself shopping. And I think that is true softness, and that's where the power lies for women. And I encourage every woman watching this, create your own softness. Like, you don't have to rely on anybody else. Like, yeah, it takes work, and you know, I have days where I'm tired, but that's life.

SPEAKER_03 12:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

You know, we're not supposed to just float through life. Like, no, have some meaning, have some substance in your life. You know, I I know at least, even like with my with my cosmetics brand, like my cosmetics brand, for example, is on Amazon. So, me having my product on Amazon, what did I do? Like, I'm giving people jobs, somebody's packing that up, somebody's getting paid to do that. When I go to the post office and I'm dropping my products off, somebody's mailing that off. That's another job I created. If I'm hiring my manufacturer, that's more jobs I've created. Like it's a good feeling knowing you're contributing and doing something with your life.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

Absolutely, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

So yeah, so I don't, I'm not a fan.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

I'm not either.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Well, because you guys have drive, and I mean you don't just want to be like, okay, I don't want to do anything. Where some girls love that. Other girls are like, I want purpose. I want to be able to be like, I did that. Yeah. Which you guys have your own businesses and you make a lot of money, and it must be nice being like, Yeah, like you had that day where you're probably like so fucking proud of yourself, which is awesome, you know.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Well, you know that feeling where okay you're recovering from surgery and you're down and out, you're in your house, and you're just like, fuck, you know what I mean? Imagine like that. I mean, obviously not recovering from surgery all the time, but just having nothing to do.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

I can't imagine that.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

I would go fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

I can't imagine that, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like when you work hard for your money, it's it's fun to go out and shop and buy the thing that you've been wanting.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Yeah, you know it's rewarding, yeah. It's rewarding.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Or even buying like your own house. Like it's like the first house that me and my husband have that that was like so cool. And then the second house we bought, and then the third house we bought. And like knowing that like my Lamborghini outside, I pay for that. Like, that's like a cool fucking feeling. Like knowing that like I'm able to do that. And you know, and I don't have a college education, like, yeah, I could very easily like just use that as an excuse. Well, you know, I'm not educated, I'm not. I I've taken what I have and I've I'm making it work. And you know, when I'm older and my looks aren't there anymore, I I'm creating other businesses, you know.

SPEAKER_03 15:07

So And that's something to truly be proud of.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

Yeah, I'm you know, and I and I and I want other women to do that also. And like I want you guys to understand that like what your definition of softness is is is actually hardness because you're you're creating a life of dependency and you could be soft, but like make your own softness, you know, be your own sugar daddy.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

I like that.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

We need to put that on a cup, yeah. Be your own sugar daddy. Honestly, yeah. Yeah, yeah, why not?

SPEAKER_03 15:37

Well, cheers to that, girl.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

Cheers to that, right? Go go out there, girls. Go get go get them. Yeah, go get 'em, tiger.