Have We Made Dating Too Complicated?

Have we made dating more complicated than it needs to be?

Claudia and Lynnie discuss modern dating, unrealistic expectations, endless red flags, dating apps and the growing list of rules people are expected to follow. Are people protecting their peace, or have we become so guarded and selective that genuine connection is nearly impossible?

Transcript

Copy

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Coffee and Cleavage. Welcome, guys. I'm Lenny. And I'm Claudia. Hello. And hello, Dax.

SPEAKER_02 0:08

Hi, girls.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Dax, you got a call back.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

You got a call back. I guess I'm not a narcissist.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

No, we we called you back because you had some some really good points and the uh the audience enjoyed you. So we thank you. We we want to talk to you about something I think that's on everybody's minds at all times.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Oh, what's that?

SPEAKER_00 0:32

What are we talking about? Have we made dating complicated? Too complicated.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Are we just like overanalyzing? Are we looking too many green frags green frags? Green frags. Green frags, situationships, situation like are we just overcomplicating all this?

SPEAKER_02 0:54

I mean, don't you think it's safe to say that dating apps have created more options and more confusion?

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Have you ever been on a dating app? I have, yeah. You have? Yeah. Oh, tell us.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

What did you experience? Tinder.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Yeah. Been on a couple of Tinder dates.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Really? You have. Damn. Yeah. How did they let you on Tinder? Because I've heard so many stories where like if a woman's like super hot, they think you're like fake and they take your profile down. Did you have a problem with this?

SPEAKER_01 1:24

This was like quite a few years ago, you know. And um, no, I w I had a good experience. I feel like now it's now that there's more catfishers on there and a lot more fake profiles, you know. Damn. No, I didn't have a bad experience.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Dex imagine if you go on Tinder and there's Linny, I would be like, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

I I would report her. There's no way. But that's that's to the point. Have we made dating more complicated? But look at how you can go on there and have access to someone like you guys. Yeah. And before, I how would a normal guy even come across you guys? They couldn't.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

You couldn't.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Now they can swipe.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Yeah. But is that a problem also because you got a wife and kids at home and you're swiping on the toilet looking for better options? I mean that is that is a thing, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:12

Well, that goes back to people looking for a partner, are they constantly searching for someone better?

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Do they ever stop searching? Do they think there's more out there? Is there grass greener? Is grass grass, you know?

SPEAKER_00 2:23

I think grass is grass. Definitely. You know, there's a lot of astroturf on these days. It's mostly turf, unfortunately, guys. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

Well, don't you think social media has kind of distorted like people's expectations of dating and what's realistic.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

I mean, everyone thinks they can go on social media and you know, be who they want to be and present themselves a certain way, and it's But you know what?

SPEAKER_00 2:49

Going back to overcomplicating things, I'm sure you've seen like these videos a hundred thousand times where like and it's usually like Russian or like girls from like Dubai, they'll post that like their guy have sent them these like 10,000 rows bouquets, and you know, they come in like this big thing and they get like shipped to their house, and then you go in the comments and women are like, Well, my guy never does this, never it's like we're we see like a snapshot of social media, and we think that's like all men should be doing these things, and if our guy isn't doing this one thing that you just saw on a reel, it's immediately like a bad relationship. Yeah, like you guys also don't know that like behind the scenes these girls are having serious issues with these men, like they're either getting beat or they're you know, they're or they're escorts, they're not actually dating these guys, and they're they're capturing these like good moments of the the relationship, and then women that aren't privy to these things think that you know this is a normal dating life.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

Well, it sets your expectations to something that's unrealistic, right? Right? I mean, you know, that I think that's the problem with social media in general. It makes you think like what you're doing is nothing. Or like it's normal, like Yeah, or so or what you're doing, what that is normal, and that might be the extreme.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

It is crazy. I mean, you think standards are higher than ever, or are people just kidding themselves?

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Both. I think people have these expectations now because I I I think it's because you could go on your phone and you could order somebody uh a dozen roses, and you could go on your phone and you can make a dinner reservation. It's gotten a lot easier to date, but because it's gotten so easy, people have these expectations of well, you could just go on your phone and order me flowers. You don't have to go to a flower shop and drive 50 miles to come see me. Like you you could do these things, but I think we're just overcomplicating like the the the beauty of dating.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

Yeah, I agree. I agree with that. I mean I but it's kind of goes back to when people say they want commitment, why do they avoid it when they have it? You know, is it because the the the they're afraid of commitment? And or or or going back to do they think there's more out there that's better? So why commit when I might find something better?

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Well, there's a lot of is the divorce rate still 50%?

SPEAKER_02 5:13

Like is that it's gone down. Really? I think it has gone down, but there's also more people in the world, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:19

So statistically there are, but I have also read something recently that was saying that a lot less of the younger generation is choosing to get married.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Like a lot of them are like are like like even like the birth rate is at like a rapid decline, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Definitely that the birth rate is, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Like I've I've read like if you look at like statistically, like in all countries, yeah. Elon Musk actually talks a lot about this on Twitter. I don't know why. But like he's always like the birth rate, the birth rate, like people are just choosing to not have kids, and I don't think they're choosing to get married. A lot of people just live together these days, they're not even a lot of people like that that just they don't want to be married.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

And I think when I was growing up, because I'm a bit older than you two, it was assumed you got married, it just was part of it was part of life. You know, now people are chronically single and they're okay with it.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Do you think that's the case, or do you think you just grew up in a place where being married was more of an expectation than like a massive, you know, like let's say like New York City or something where like people are more independent, more on the go, more focused on careers. But if you're from like, you know, a smaller town, it could be potentially like you're supposed to get married, you're supposed to have kids, you're supposed to buy a house, you're supposed to have a white picket fence. Because I mean in New York City, you can't have a white picket fence, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 6:39

I think people are just constantly in a pursuit of perfection. So they're overlooking compatibility, they're overlooking just the concept of meeting the right person because they're just constantly trying to find perfection. And that's what makes it unrealistic, I think.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Yeah. Definitely and the the the the the fear of overanalyzing everything and people judging everything that they see. And I I think because we're in like swipe culture right now, it's so easy to be like, Well, my husband pissed me off today, so I'm gonna start looking online for like somebody to give me attention, you know, and and then things things get things get sloppy online.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

And people aren't willing to compromise. No. So, you know, if you can go online and find why compromise with your partner when I can get my dopamine fixed by two or three different prospective partners by just going in my Instagram DMs.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

But we've talked about this before. Like, when you first meet someone online or even in person, forget even online. Yeah, they're on their best behavior. Oh yeah, definitely. So, like, let's say, like, you know, I've been married for 10 years, like, so I know all of my husband's like quirks, right? Things that, you know, that may irritate me or things that you know bug him about me. So like we we know like what our like triggers are, right? Yeah. But if I meet somebody right now, they're gonna be the biggest gentleman. And they're gonna the best behavior. The best behavior, send the best gifts, send the best flowers, send the best this, da-da-da-da, go on the best trips, and then over time that facade slowly starts dying, and then the real person is exposed. So, you know, like it, yeah, it's a lot easier to swipe on somebody else you like, but that person that you meet for the first, I don't know what, three months, that's like a fake person to me.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

It's a facade. Well, everyone puts up a facade, right? Right. Especially in the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

How long do you think somebody could put like a like a fake reputation of themselves up before the the walls come down?

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Did you watch the Tindler Swindler on Netflix? A long time.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Really?

SPEAKER_01 8:50

I think until you live together.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

He that well, that show specifically, he had people fake fooled for I think years.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Really?

SPEAKER_02 8:59

Yeah, I mean, you know, and it kind of goes back to just the Instagram conversation. You can present whoever you want online.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Yeah, but when you start dating and you start traveling, like what is the saying? Like, you don't truly know a person until like you've traveled with them. Uh until you see how they handle like lost luggage and what they do with like a lost luggage. Yeah. What they do with lost luggage and like how what they do with like their shopping cart when they're done with it. Like those three things will tell you everything you need to know about a person. That is interesting. But really, years?

SPEAKER_02 9:30

I believe so. I think I haven't watched that in a while, but he he he you know gave off this impression of being this wealthy entrepreneur and private jet life and yacht life.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

But did any of these women actually live with him?

SPEAKER_02 9:42

Like I don't I don't remember every detail, but I mean, I think they traveled with him.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

But I think like Lynn's con artists yeah, but like like you're saying, I think until you live with somebody you have no idea.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

You don't. You know?

SPEAKER_02 9:55

For sure. And that raises the question, you know, what gets you to a point where you are living with someone? What influences someone to say, hey, I want to live with this person? And is it financial status? Is it looks? Is it all the above? I mean, how many girls are going for guys just because what they think is in the bank? Yeah. And that makes dating even more complicated because they're passing up all these other good guys who maybe don't make six, seven figures a year. Yeah. And they might have the man of their their dreams because they're so infatuated with uh possible wealth and and vice versa, for for men going for women that you know they think are the the the supermodels of the world.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

And what about you from like your dating experience? Uh did you uh have you ever lived with a woman and what what told you it's time to move in?

SPEAKER_02 10:49

I knew when it was time to move out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

I love that.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

I I think you know, because I think when you're young you make dumbest choices and then you're six, seven months into it and you're like, okay, this this has gotta go. This is not where I foresee the rest of my life being. Um but you know, I think as you get older and people start the talk the clocks ticking, they start creating this long laundry list of things they like, and they either don't move in with anyone or they rush to move in.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

I think the people I think are quicker to move in now because it it's just the cost of living is so high. Yeah. True. Yeah. You know, so maybe they're like, you know, I well, I don't like I'm not obsessed with this person, but fuck it. Like, I can't afford, you know, some of these rents are crazy. Yeah. Groceries are crazy, like uh utilities are crazy. So maybe they're just moving in. And people are but they're not getting married though. Like the marriage rate is down, like that for sure is down, birth is down, all of that is still.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

But other than that.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Or or people just eloping.

SPEAKER_01 11:56

Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 11:57

Well, that raises the question has casual dating just made long-term relationships more difficult?

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Mm-hmm. Because see, I'm I'm I'm crazy though. Like, I was never the girl, I was married before my marriage now, but even then, like, I'm the girl where like I can't just be boyfriend, girlfriend. Like, if you're not willing to like lock it down, like I'm not your girl.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Like we've talked about this. Like, I need you obsessed with me, I need a ring on my finger. Like, yeah, like we need to move in together. Like, are we doing this or are we not doing this? Like, I don't know how to like half-ass anything. So, like, I I couldn't personally be with a guy that's like not ready to go all the way.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

And I think I think that's a that's a very old school mentality. It's it's beautiful, but I think it's a very nowadays with choice, I don't think most people feel that way, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

So I wonder like if I was dating now, like if I'd be able to like get shacked up so quick or like if I'd be losing my mind. I feel like I'd be like, I know I'd have a line outside the door, that's fine, but w would I be ready to to move in with the guy like you know, like I was with my husband?

SPEAKER_02 13:02

I don't know. I mean when you were dating, which was I believe you've been married for a while, so quite a bit ago. Yeah. W did you feel you had an abundance of choices?

SPEAKER_00 13:12

Well choice choices daily, men, women.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

So there you go. So for most people, why would they choose to settle down when they have their pick at the buffet?

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Because I need commitment.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

You do, and that's that's very admirable.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

But are you a committed type of girl? I am, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

I am very loyal. I'm committed for sure.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

But like you're okay with like this is my one person for the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

I mean, absolutely. Yeah, if it's the right person. Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

What about you guys watching? Like, tell us in the comments. Are you do you see yourself with one person for the rest of your life, or do I mean we don't need to get into the topic of monogamy because we've done that a million times on here, but is is casual dating something that you guys are are curious and still doing or interested in still doing, or is the long haul the the hall to go? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

Well, imagine how would modern dating look if we just stripped away social media and dating apps.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

Oh God.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Oh wow everything would would be what it was 50 years ago. Yeah. And I think the way you two are committed young women would make more sense for everybody. And I think now we we've we've lost that. Dating is so complicated now. Well, it's complicated and it's not, because you can just kind of be lax basical about it, right? Yeah. But imagine a world where we didn't have the accessibility that we have now.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Imagine a world where like you'd actually have to go out. Yes, you know, be social. Go to a bar and talk to someone. Well, ew, I could never what?

SPEAKER_00 14:40

See, see, and you're missing I would literally be sitting at a bar like panicked. Don't talk to me, please. Why are you talking to me? Oh my god, no, I can't imagine that. But the phones make everything so easy, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Like I have I don't know about you, Dex, but like have you ever met somebody like online and like had great conversations and the girls seems so cool, and then you meet in person and like she's nothing like her her online persona?

SPEAKER_02 15:14

Uh yes and no. I've had it where they didn't look like they're online personally. Well, that's that's a whole separate topic. That's that's the whole with the Photoshop and the face tune and whatever else it's called.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

But it's so much easier to like be flirty and be fun and not bring drama to the table when you're texting, because you know For sure.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

I've had where you know you create this impression of someone off their social media and then you meet them and you're like, This is not what I pictured. Yeah. You know, and it might even not not be how they presented themselves, it's just you created that because your your your first judgment of someone is digital. Right. Where before, if I was to meet a girl or you guys met a guy, you it would be in person. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't meet their photo on online.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

True. I think I think you and I are very much aligned with who we present ourselves online to be, we actually are in person. Oh, 100%. I think we do a very good job at that. Like, I don't think I'm a different like because some of these people have like completely different online personas from their real personas. And I think we're very much aligned with that. So I don't think like if we were in a dating situation, guys would be like, Oh, that's yeah, what the hell? You know?

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Yeah. I thought you were more a bubbly or outgoing, and then in person they're just yeah, bland.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Like I like to call myself like the hot uncle. Like if if I was hot and an uncle, like that's my personality, and I think I'm like that online. Cause like you know how like uncles are just like, oh, come over here and tell me a story. Like, that's me. I love that. I'm like a hot uncle.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

I'm like if your uncle is maybe hot aunts and uncle.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Yeah, that's a big ants, ants, no, ants are different. Ants are like, you know. Ants and uncles are different.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

I understand. Yeah, they are.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Reggie, you know what I'm saying over there. Studio producer. I'm like unk. I'm like hot unk. Yeah. You guys know what I'm talking. And an ant is a completely different species of of human.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

I know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I didn't say grandpa uncle. It's better. Yeah, it's a little bit better. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Well, I guess I mean ultimately do you think dating culture has gotten complicated by by everything, by social media, by apps?

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Tell us in the comments, guys. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Are people choosing their partners off values or are they looking for validation? I think that's a big important question too. People are just looking to be told they, you know, are the best things since sliced bread.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

I want to be validated, but we'll continue this topic at a different time, I guess. So you're so good at this, Dax. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

Thank you for having me. Yeah. Maybe I'll get a a third call back.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

Maybe we'll see. All right. Thank you. Thank you for listening. Please go and like, comment, subscribe. Five star rating, please.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

Yes, if you're especially if you're listening to this on Spotify, give us a five star. We would really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Yes, thank you. Until next time. Cheers.